Cyngen, Beginagin

[Cynthia Gentry]

It is January 1, 2012, the most embarrassing day of the year to start something new. I mean, it's ill-fated, right? Doomed to be forgotten within a week like 99.987% of all the other New Years' resolutions. Oh, well. I really just need a place to write and my life is all about trying to make cool stuff happen, the website is already paid for, so here I am writing, for today. 

First off, there are so many things I want to do but my body and my brain get in the way. The body is 56 years old now, but feels much older. The brain still resists commitment and self-sabotages all the time. But, I'm beginning to see that a lot of that is because of the body, my body, my health. At 56 you start seeing the end of the road ahead, at least I have been. And, there is so much more I would love to accomplish. I want to do whatever I can to help children keep that spark of curiosity, compassion, excitement, and wonder that they have when they are very, very young. I'm a new grandmother, so my motivation is even higher than ever. I want to get healthy and strong again so I can create these visions of a great world for kids that I have in my head.

I want to get my passion back and I want to get back to where I can write from the heart. Jeez, it sounds so corny, doesn't it?  OK, enough of the whining. The questions are 1) what do I want?, 2) what do I need to do to achieve it?, and, 3) am I willing to do what it takes? 

1) I want to lose 60 pounds, get back into yoga (I used to do it 90 minutes a day- it was how I meditated), get back into shape, be able to walk the 3 mile lap around my neighborhood park with ease, I want to be physically strong, I want my arthritis to not hurt so much, I want to not be in so much pain all the time, I want my heart rhythm to stabilize, etc., I want to crave healthy foods and get over my addictions to sugar, diet Coke, and CheezIts.

Summer and her twin brother Jordan on our shave-a-thon day.

I want my whole family to get healthy. I want to be able to cook amazingly healthy meals for my step-daughter. She has cancer. Stage four epitheliod sarcoma. It's so very rare and it is going to take everything modern medicine can come up with to fight this battle. I feel that if she eats radiantly healthy foods it will help her immune system fight on her own behalf. I want her Dad, my husband, to be so healthy at 71 that he can hold up to the stress of his beloved daughter's fight.

2) I'm going to start in three places:

     a.) Anticancer - it's a highly recommended book and has a great diet philosophy behind it;

     b.) Dr. Oz - I saw him win a disagreement with Dr. Richard Besser on ABC News recently. I see he has a website and a show and something called Transformation Nation. Sounds interesting. I'll check that out. 

     c.) back to Weight Watchers... maybe 6th time is the charm

     oh, wait, four places:

     d.) I've slacked off on working out at the Y over the holidays. I went back yesterday and really held back. Usually, I go back and work out so hard that I have to spend the next two days (or more) in bed. It's also time to start walking again. At least 30 minutes. There is a magnificent park down the street.  (Hold back on the self-condemnation here.)

3.) Am I willing to do it? Am I? It seems like it is only when the pain of staying in the same place is greater than the pain of getting off my bottom and doing something that I actually make a change. I try tricking myself. When my step-daughter Summer got diagnosed with cancer two months ago I showed up with a tshirt I made that said, "Sixty for Summer." I made the grand pronouncement that as long as she was in chemo (8 months or so), I would go to Weight Watchers. I quickly lost almost 10 pounds. The stress of the past month's hospital visits, the reality of her diagnosis, etc. threw me for a loop and I've gained it all back. And, let's face it, I only went to one meeting. 

What will it take to make a change this time? Grand pronouncements don't seem to do the trick. So, I'm just going to sit with it today and check out Dr. Oz's website. And, since it's New Year's I'm going to make my black-eyed peas and collards. That's healthy. And, maybe if I can remember to keep writing I'll get somewhere. I love getting myself psyched up by writing.

Hello 2012. Let's make something cool happen, ok?